Balance

I went to the movies with a friend of mine last night. It was a real girls night. We had a couple of beers and then went to see Eat, Pray, Love. It was a great night with girly bonding moments, Mommy survival stories, a little bit of the we're too old for the high school bullshit chat and the teeniest bit of men can be idiots talk.

We had both read the book, several times, and we both loved it. We were worried that the movie wouldn't do the book justice. We didn't have to worry, it held it's own. We were both impressed considering the ground they had to cover in 2 hours or less.

If you haven't read the book (you should!) it's basically about a woman who is restless and lost and is constantly looking for the person, place or thing that will balance her life, bring her happiness and give her internal peace. It's about me. Well, not literally, but it could have been.

It was hard for me to read the book the first time, because as much as I loved it, all I really took away from it was; "I'm divorced! I've been through more than her! She left her husband because she was bored (I had a more serious reason) and I didn't get to travel to Italy, India and Indonesia!"
I was the proud owner of a "I was married for 10 years and all I got was these 5 kids" tee shirt. In other words, I was bitter.

Now, years later, the message means more to me. I have witnessed pain in other peoples lives that would make your blood run cold, I have accepted the fact that I can't control what other people say and do and feel, and I can't travel the world with six kids.

I think for me, my balance, is beginning to come from the realization that I need to balance myself and not the world around me.

"If you could clear out all that space in your mind, you'd have a doorway. And you know what the universe would do? Rush in. Everything else will take care of itself." -Richard from Texas, Eat, Pray, Love

That quote from the book and the movie, makes more sense to me now than it did before. Before, it was a puzzle to me as to how to "clear out all that space". I have never been still, I have never been quiet, I have never NOT had 10,000 thoughts in my head all at once. I have never been able to "let it be". (again, Richard from Texas)
I am a fix it, solve it, make it go away person by nature. Control freak? Maybe to a degree, but with all the best intentions.

I am a work in progress, but I am learning. I am opening up to possibilities beyond my own dirty laundry pile. I am letting things take care of themselves.

I guess I am realizing that I have come a long way from where I once was. Life is crazy and hectic and unpredictable. Kids get sick, friends disappoint. Life is no different than it's ever been, it's me that's different.

I just might be getting the hang of this "growth" thing after all!